The first month of 2010 has been such a strange one. Although I've been mostly inactive and bumming around at home, certain aspects of my life have changed considerably. But recently I've been facing more insecurity again, and my broken wrist has not helped at all.

Anyway it's dinner time. Take care peeps.

The wrist kinda disrupts a lot of my plans, things that I had already spent a long time preparing myself for. And now I have a new anxiety, not knowing what is going to happen. In that last sentence, I think i used my left shift key for the first time in my life.

For example, I was quite set on enlisting in Feb, ORD-ing in December 2011 in time for christmas and the holiday season. That doesn't seem too likely now. I was even prepared to be garang and try to go to OCS. That may still happen if my enlistment simply gets pushed back. Other nuances include losing muscle mass due to the cast, and I can't exactly gym much with a fractured wrist either. I also can't drum nor play fast computer games and such. But I believe that God has a purpose in everything, and even if nothing good comes out of this I will definitely learn to appreciate having a normal functional limb, something that many people around the world don't have. And guys, treasure your baths. Because when you get a cast showering is such a hassle.

With a new year comes new pressures, new goals, new relationships. I'd be lying if I said that at this point I wasn't interested in relationships. Some people know my predicament. It's something I never quite felt before, in a protective sense, yet one that is selfish. Just the thought of there being someone else, worse yet in a physical relationship, makes me sick inside. The thought torments me, and if it were to happen I'm quite confident I would be torn apart. And for this reason I feel helpless, powerless. I fear it so much but cannot bring myself to do anything about it because I choose to honour God first. Or rather I want to honour God first. Perhaps I shall have a chat with Matt. Mighty matt. How do you hold on but let go at the same time? Again, I'll just have to trust God to lead me where he knows is best. Matthew 6:33 - but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

That said, friends, there is so much to look forward to this year. As we all go our different ways, be it army or uni or whatever, I hope we will all still stay close and not forget every year before that we've had.