Man justin sent me this link. Seriously pure awesomeness. This my friends, is what marriage should be about. Love. Not only loving the person, but also loving the relationship. Hope these ppl have a great life together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0&feature=player_embedded

Happy birthday Amanda Choo Yen Yi!

The voices. They're speaking out to me, calling me to do stuff. I know which one is the right one, but most often I don't follow it. The other voice is always speaking to me, beckoning me to fall into temptation. To fall into a trap. And I willingly listen. The other voice, calls out to me so loudly in my times of need, and I know that it is the one I should listen to. Yet I don't. But I know this now, and I will strive to follow the voice of truth.

Forgive me Lord.

I slid into slumber, my thoughts drifting away into the darkness of the night. Then you struck. You struck me by surprise, caught me off guard. And without thinking I may have succumbed. I may have given up any last bit and residue in that single act of idiocracy. Now I fear. Fear that all I've fought for, all I've suppressed, all that I've taught myself has became all for naught. For what if you walk away, maybe deceived, maybe angry. Time seemed to just stop whenever I felt away, things just felt different and drab. And when I rose I looked back in time, to the days when things were so great. When I felt no insecurities. I looked back to all your words that left a smile on my face, the words that made me feel that for a rare time in my life I finally had someone who would always be there. These words had already faded, these times long gone, and I tried with every bit of strength to hold on, even if it was just a speck of what used to be.

All this I possibly wasted in seconds of stupidity.

I once believed that you were different. My only remaining hope is that I was right. I won't live with myself if in my own actions I took away the spark that kept me sane all this while.

Now now before we jump to any conclusions from the title let me explain myself. That is the name that EliSabeth Ong saved herself under on my phone quite long ago and it has remained as such since. The reason for me bringing this up is well, the part about the lubdub. For yesterday I journeyed late to the MILITARY MEDICINE INSTITUTE (ZOMGGG LIGHTNING THUNDER SCARYYY) for my scheduled cardiology test. I got electrodes stuck to me and they made me like walk on a treadmill for 12 minutes, changing the speed and inclination of the treadmill every 3 minutes. The most annoying part was the blood pressure... you know how it kinda hurts when the thing inflates and squeezes your arm. Yeah once or twice is fine but when it happens practically every 30 seconds it gets annoying. And after my walk when I had to stone for 5 minutes while they probably monitor my heart rate after exercise the blood pressure thing like became even tighter. It left a mark from like the velcro or smth on my arm. Like this trail of red dots.

Anyway, after that I went to school (rather long after) to gym and then went to Plaza to watch Potter (0.5 blood prince) with Matt Dwee and Justin. This morning had to go to school pretty early for GP mock test. I went late and thus got the 2007 question paper which we had sort of gone through before in class while most of my classmates did the 08 paper. My question was "the view of the majority is always right" blabla. Essay was ... somewhat satisfactory. Can't say the same for the comprehension though. Then took 74 with Choo, Choo, Kuan and ... are you ready for this? You sure? Better make sure your heart is working well cos it's gonna be quite a shock. .... YILING. LIKE OMG YILING TOOK A BUS! So I was quite happy... if only everyday could be like this it would be really cool, going home with my classmates. Like so many people can take 74 (in this case jiayi and jane weren't headed home but still...) and out of this vast number of bukit timah bishan and ang mo kio dwellers like I only ever take bus with yammy.

Oh wells. Kay now I have to go hang myself for the third time to fulfil jiayi's request.

Read title for opening statement. It seems that I'm finally growing up! I'm finally learning to let go and to just let God take his path. No more bad days and all, there's only good days and good days that become better days. Reading Alon's blog bout how the class sometimes dumps on Wei, I realised that we all have days when it seems we're alone, that we're being treated unfairly. But if we look closely enough we'll find that there are always friends and people out there who sincerely want to make our lives better. Thank God for these friends.

Random events in the past few days: Class photo taking (I think I don't look nice though :( ) Thats a close bracket next to a sad smiley by the way .... I really should study more, I've been making the effort but not being very productive.

Oh well. I'm so excited to see Sandra Jane and Jiayi's hair tomorrow. No seriously. I'm turning into a girl.

Ok so I tried my luck playing with a song and trying to sync the audio. Used windows movie maker. When I did it it was ok, but upon publishing as a .wmv i think the video portion (which = my drumming ) got sped up a tiny bit. The start is absolutely disgusting because in the first place I was playing so horrible (I used the song as a warm up at 750am this morning) and then it gets sped up a tiny bit so it sounds wayway off. The later bits are a bit better I think. Oh well, everyone has to start somewhere.

I RECORDED MY DRUMMING! They're quite nonsense and really horrible playing by me but whatever I don't care. Woots.



This is the only one that actually captures a bit of me and the drums. And probably the worst in terms of playing.





This one was taken yesterday. Camera was facing the ceiling though so ... sob. This one with my phone outside the drum shield on a music stand and hence the angle.

BREAKING NEWS: I BROKE MY FIRST DRUM STICK EVER TODAY! (pun geddit??!!)

It was after band prac when we were jamming. After a lot of random soloing and stuff I attempted to play Hysteria by Muse with Paul Ooi on bass. Paul pro sia. And err. I broke my stick. Cos I kinda hit pretty hard :O

Today started off seeming to be a not very good day. Thankfully it picked up and more or less the day was good. Matt is still the man of the hour for he nursed me back to health like nurse Joy nurses Brock and pikachu back to health.

Have you ever ate like really cold ice cream together with say .... very very hot coffee? I don't think it's a nice feeling. Hot and cold, just doesn't go together. Which is way it is not nice to be getting hot and cold. I guess you could say it's better than cold all the time (assuming cold is bad), but it makes your senses go on a roller coaster.

Matthaeus Lim is the man of the hour. Go matt.

How much are we influenced by our family, specifically our parents. I for one know that I am very much who I am because of who my dad is. What he's done as well as his personality, his beliefs, his likes and dislikes are all very much reflected in my character, or so I feel.

I believe that boys especially look up to their fathers a lot growing up. Their true role model in life is and should be their father. It is thus not a strange thing that I accept a lot of what he says without much questioning, more so then I would for anybody else.

One aspect of his personality is the need for companionship... I shan't elaborate. But anyway I too find myself being very in need of friends who really stick around like the whole time. Most people can kinda live with you know just being friends with everybody. I on the other hand, need certain people to stay a part of my everyday life. It's no wonder that when suddenly things seem to change, even a tiny bit, I start thinking way too much and getting a lot more worked up than I should.

Maybe it is as my mind thinks it is, maybe I am becoming a victim of the cut off again. But what if I'm wrong and I get worked up over nothing? That's what I'm choosing to believe. All I can do is to love as God has loved us and to do everything not for the eyes of man but for the eyes of God. At the end of the day then, can it be said that I have not tried my best? If it is meant to be, it will be.

Today wasn't really a good day for me, honestly speaking. Been feeling really tired in school, probably not used to studying this much and also exerting myself physically. Today was just one of those days when ... I felt restless, I felt tired and I felt *******. Something I haven't felt for a long time thankfully, but I do know what contributed to it.

And yet as I walked away feeling kinda down, disappointed and slipping into a state of disregard, I heard one word. One distinct word amongst the noisy chatter of the rest of the world. One word that soothed me, made me forget everything else that had happened. The strangest thing is, any word would have done exactly that.

I'm getting myself into a whole deeper load of ****. It's probably not going to be worth it, but I don't care. I'm not getting left behind.