I'm having fun at school. But at the end of the day I have some strange dissatisfaction. It's like I think I can be living my life much better than I have been recently. It may be simply my distance from God. It's also a fear; a fear that I'm not being accepted, and that's leading me to do things that I normally wouldn't do. I also fear that if I am being accepted it's not for the right reasons, or that people don't know the real me...

What if jokes got out of hand, what if some people were offended but they don't tell me. I want to love everyone but I don't think I've been really trying hard.

A huge problem of mine is pride. There's always a part of me that wants to be the best in everything. In some ways sometimes I don't accept myself for who I am. And I want that to change ... but how. I need to get back to God.


In less abstract terms this is for scone in case something goes out of hand. I take full responsibility for my jokes and nonsense and I will make an effort to make sure it doesn't go further than that. Sorry in advance for any trouble my actions may cause. Also, if you have something up with me ... be it good or bad please just tell me.